Parenting roles have drastically changed over the past fifty years. It seems as though they have changed significantly over the past ten. No longer is it expected for women to stay at home and men leave for work. The 1950s is a myth in the reality of actual family unit and parent dynamics.
The true experience is that the father is often fully relied on to be the caretaker. In a recent Center for American Progress report, 42 percent of mothers and wives were the sole or primary money makers in the family bringing in at least half of the earnings. For African American families this number increases to 70 percent of mothers are the breadwinners of the family.
Just as more women enter the workforce, more men are entering the incredible world of caretaking. However, there are issues that come from this change in status. It isn’t as easy as one may think. Men do face much stigma and mental health issues as they navigate the uncharted seas of fatherhood.
Why Can’t Dad’s Just Man Up?
For men that are used to task oriented projects and hard deadlines, the change to a 24/7 monitoring job with little in the positive reinforcement area is a tough pill to swallow. Egos take a hit. It isn’t the military where you are responsible for yourself and your comrades. Fatherhood and more so, the primary caregiver position are completely selfless tasks ripe with pitfalls and little in the area of support.
Often society’s response to the stay-at-home day is to be suspicious, patronizing, isolating, and more often than not crack jokes at the father’s expense. The National At-Home Dad Network, a community of stay-at-home dads and caretakers, often discusses how this lack of basic acceptance can be mentally and emotionally detrimental. Every little comment and jab add to all of the other comments and jabs. This is more and more common as more and more fathers make the leap into the caregiver role.
Are There a lot of Stay-at-Home Dads?
With upwards of 7 million fathers that have chosen to be the primary caregivers to their family, the data reflects a growing trend of choices leaning to the wife working and the husband caring for the child and either not working or working part time. Studies aren’t the most accurate when it comes to smaller demographic trends, however, somewhere between 1 and 20 or 1 and 15 caretakers are stay-at-home dads.
The number of stay-at-home mothers still drastically outnumbers the stay-at-home dads; however, the issue remains that the social change from a work dominated life to a child dominating life alters the perspective of a gender and person.
Redefining the New Norm of Parenting
Just like a stay-at-home mother, a stay-at-home father:
- Doesn’t watch sports all-day
- Doesn’t replace the importance or wants of the mother
- May still have a part-time job
- Didn’t just lose their job and needs to occupy their time
- Isn’t just a babysitter
- Doesn’t reflect on an individual’s masculinity
We all must redefine our social norm around what a family unit looks like and how it operates. We aren’t fathers and mothers strictly viewed from our sex and distant social standards. Parents that as a unit provide for and care for the entirety of the family unit, whatever that unit looks like.