It’s no surprise that other people like to give advice to new parents. This is particularly true if they’ve had kids of their own. But often, the advice can feel like it’s intruding on your boundaries, which is never good.
Here are some tips for dealing with “external forces” as new parents, particularly in-laws and friends.
Don’t be afraid to set boundaries
There’s nothing wrong with setting boundaries about how other people are involved in your life, even family members. Don’t be afraid to tell someone they’re getting too involved in something that’s not necessarily their business.
The key is to go about it maturely. Talk to your partner and figure out what you’re going to say, and how. Most importantly, be kind about how you do it.
Let your partner take the lead
If in-laws are the problem, let your partner take the lead in the conversation. After all, it’s their parents you’re talking to. Potentially upsetting messages, such as not visiting as much, will be less of a hit from their own child.
See things from their side
Your friends might think they’re being incredibly helpful by offering you advice on how to overcome a particular parenting issue. Sure, you might not see it that way, but many people only mean well when they do this.
Appreciate that if your in-laws are seemingly a soft touch on your kid, it’s because that’s what grandparents do. Sometimes it can help to keep your comments to yourself, as long as your baby is happy and well looked after.
Make a list of the positives
If you’re finding someone annoying, make a list of all the things you like about them. These don’t have to be related to the current situation, but can be very general.
Keep this list handy and read over it if they’re ever making you angry. Doing so will help to calm you down and make you realize that your anger is entirely dependent on this situation.
Don’t overuse them
It’s just as important to not overstep someone else’s boundaries as it is to protect yours. If your friends or in-laws have offered to look after your baby, don’t abuse this offer. Their help is a big advantage, but you don’t want to make them regret the offer.
Try to take control of a conversation
If your mother-in-law is trying to criticize you on feeding or sleeping routines, move the conversation towards something more positive. Perhaps it’s that your baby slept for longer yesterday than before, or it could be something cute they did during feeding time.
Help them to appreciate the good you’re doing without calling them out on their potentially negative perspective.
Conclusion
It’s important to realize that much of the time external forces only mean well. You should appreciate the help they offer, but that doesn’t mean you have to tolerate criticism. Be firm in your boundaries and don’t be afraid to reinforce them whenever necessary. It’s your life after all.
